Tonight, as I was standing at the front stage and gave an impromptu speech about the lessons I learned in the past one year, that’s the first time I actually thought about it. To be honest with you, it has been an amazing year, but also a really tough year. Gary (my copywriting instructor) threw me a question of whether the real American life lived up to my expectation or did it fail me, I have to say … both.
It excited me when I got the opportunity to interview the President of Genre Films (part of 20th Century Fox Studio) and meet Ang Lee at the theater in West Hollywood. It also surprised me when I could meet so many talented people and interesting souls. Like what I said in his class, one thing I love about LA is its diversity. I can drive half an hour and enjoy a nice sunshine at the Santa Monica Beach. I can drive 15 minutes and go to Koreatown or Little Tokyo to taste some exotic cuisines. If I want, I can immerse myself in The Broad Museum or MOCA…there are always something going on in the city. I can chill out a little bit at a nice bar in DTLA…and talk with a producer/singer/artist…you name it! These small things are what make me feel alive and motivated. Nowhere in China can I find such a nice combination.
But it also failed me in many ways. It disappointed me when I thought America represented freedom of speech, but after the presidential election, Trump supporters could just secretly celebrate. Social media had been overwhelmed with lots of negativity, fear, hatred, and criticism. I am not trying to discuss politics here, but this is something that didn’t match what I imagined. Also, I thought I would make a lot of American friends, but indeed, only a few people who are curious enough about other cultures and would make efforts to make overseas friends.
My past one year was a milestone. I can see myself improving in many ways, English for sure, and also living skills, communication skills, etc. But at the same time, I also discovered a lot of my shortcomings and my dark sides. The more I spend time alone, the more I realize how impatient I am with myself, maybe with others as well. My relationships sucked and it crashed me in some way. But luckily, I got family and friend’s support. I thought I was good at dealing with people, but until now that I realize I still have a lot to learn.
Another thing I learned was to be humble and be true to yourself. There was a period of time in my life that I felt I was omnipotent. But after I came to the states, again and again, I had to rebuild my confidence. I feel so small and this world is so big. I feel lost sometimes and may even lose confidence. But I also recover after I make small achievements once and twice. Anyway, I just learned how to be low-key. Talk less and do more.
It’s also important to be true to myself. It got me thinking about the night before I went abroad, I felt so bounded and restricted. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are the best parents I could ever think of and they gave me a lot of freedom. But still, deep in the Chinese cultures, there are many restrictions. I hate being tied and I feel so bored about my hometown. But in the past one year, that kind of desire to become fearless and do whatever I want disappeared several times. Maybe that’s because I am too scared of criticism that I can’t fully involve in what I am doing. I care too much. I wish I could be more boundless and have the courage to take a leap of faith.
The finals are coming and soon I will be done with my third semester. Time always flies through the fingers. Next year when I come back, I hope I can be more composed, more confident, and have more fun along the way. Fight on trojans! Love you all <3
