Hey Connie,

I know you are feeling under the weather today. I know this whole blogging thing is bothering you and you really want to update more frequently. Without inspiration to write about fashion, food or travel, how about I just write you a letter? Sounds good to you?

Okay, it is kind of weird to think about this, but sometimes the things you love are also the things that hurt you most.

The reason why I started this blog was because: 1)I thought it would be fun; 2)I liked writing stuffs and it’s good to keep a record of my life and 3)I wanted to share and connect with more people. Those three initial thoughts were nice and sweet, and they have been my biggest motivation. Yet sometimes, I just feel like I could not take it any more. Exactly same situation as you are having at this moment.

As I am writing down my thoughts and ideas, I am stuck by my poor language skill. I worked hard trying to come up with vivid and fluent sentences that could impress the readers or at least satisfy my own ego, yet the harder I tried, the further I got away from my goal. Every time I push myself like this, it causes more anxiety, fear and disappointment. I doubt myself and question the meaning of doing all these. Does anybody in this world really care what I write and what I say? Does my voice matter at all??? Who am I? And what should I write?

It’s always a contradiction between what I really want to express and what my audiences want to read. In my Web Design Class this semester, Professor Nager taught me how to keep the attention of audiences and engage with them. I know I should try to think about an eye-catching headline to first grab my readers’ attention and then encourage them to read the rest of my work. Yet, the more I try to think in their perspectives, the more I become confused and completely lost.

I am trying to find a good balance between professional writing and personal writing. I don’t want to expose myself in the public, yet I deeply believe it is through conveying my inner thoughts that I could touch people. All the words I have written down are sincere and meaningful. I don’t really care if it is too personal at the first place. Seems like only when I am completely relaxed then my brain can function.

But back to the point I just mentioned above, I feel like I am never ready. Just a little browsing on the Internet, I got to know so many talented writers out there in this world. Many people are trying to express themselves, tell stories and they are really good at it. But for me, as an International student who just came to USA four months ago, I know I am way from being able to show my talents. Realizing my weakness is painful and suffering.

This is how things become tricky and stressful for me. I imagine myself as being a creative writer, being able to just write freely without devoting much time. But it’s like mission impossible. Sometimes, my brain just stops working and I come up with long and stupid words that I want to laugh myself out loud. I feel disappointed at my own writing ability and feel frustrated. I hate it when I couldn’t achieve the level that I am supposed to be. This makes me feel angry and upset.

But hey, I know you are trying really hard and you should probably just give yourself more time and space to practice. It is ok that you couldn’t match up with the level as what you imagine. It’s not your fault anyway. All you need to do is giving yourself some more time and confidence. Believe that Connie is gonna crack this with her diligence, wisdom and intelligence! Always remember attitude is harder to build than your ability.

I know you are not ready, but nobody is actually ready for anything. I know you don’t have many followers right now. All the comments or likes come from your family and friends. But at some point of your life, you will have more exposure. Just keep doing this and don’t give up, ok?

I know you want to begin every piece of your work with a fascinating beginning, and end in an unforgettable way with unbreakable logic and smooth expression. I know how you feel when your inspiration dies and you are waiting impatiently for those shining moments happening again. I know your blog is way from perfect and you are worried that people may laugh at you at the back. But so what? You must go through all these hardships and obstacles until you become a stronger and more powerful woman. Don’t be fear and don’t let those nonexistent noise interrupt your mind, ok?

You just need to write, write and write. Learn to enjoy the process instead of focusing on the result. It is through those journey to the destination that make the whole thing more interesting and memorable. Always keep that in mind Connie.

Stay foolish. Stay hungry!

Sincerely,

SweetConnie

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